Hello my name is John Blowey

My father, Albert Blowey sadly passed away on Sunday 17th June 2007 (Fathers day). At the age of 86.

Our Family

Dad was fortunate, he had a loving devoted wife Ellen, and a large family, including 2 daughters, 4 sons, 7 grand children and 6 great grandchildren. Two sons lived at home. The family is one of the old fashioned taking a HOLISTIC approach (caring for our own).

Dad was a prisoner in the Second World War. He retired as a milkman, after many years.

Dad was chair bound suffering from: severe heart failure, ulcerated legs and missing one hip joint. Dementia started to become visible and the doctor diagnosed Dad as suffering with dementia.

The Help from Outside

Dad had a team of district nurses who came in to care for him; be it his ulcerated leg, his hip removal that had got MRSA or even after his visits to hospital or respite when he came home with bed sores.

The visits varied from week to week sometimes it could be twice a day to once a week.
We had an arrangement with the district nurses, that twice a week I would give Dad a shower, this could only be done when the nurses came in so the dressings would be removed and after a shower I would apply clean dry dressings for the nurses.

The nurses would ask Mum if it would be ok to carry out a test on Dad for his mental state or to check for infection.

Social Services

Without the help of these people we would not have been able to care for Dad at home. After Dad came out of hospital we where given a hospital bed for the down stairs living area.

After 18 months Dad was assessed to see what help was needed to make things easier at home; the bathroom was changed into a wet room, ceiling hoists were fitted in living room and bedroom,  a through floor lift was intalled from living room into bedroom,  and a ramp and bars were put at the front door. The hospital bed was moved to the first floor bedroom.

Carers

We had a number of different care companies in to care for Dad, but things did not run smoothly.

For example, some said “Sorry he’s too heavy for us to deal with, you will have to deal with him yourself”.  Some carers wore bright yellow marigolds to wash Dad.

Then a firm came along who knew how to care for someone in their own home and they respected that at any time there could be family members and children in the house at any time.

Doctors

Dads’ own GP couldn’t be bothered about Dad.

 [Many GP's are fantastic and are often the central person in doing this sort of care,  but some do not do so well: Editor].

We would phone up and he would phone back and would say the same old thing:-

"I WILL LEAVE A PRESCRIPTION FOR YOU TO COLLECT."

We were then introduced to the local community doctor, a consultant  who specialised in the care of older poeple with dementia.

He would come and explain things to the family. He called to see Dad at anytime, and he would phone Mum and ask if it was ok to bring visiting doctors in to see the set up and to meet Dad.

This specialist  was always at the end of the phone if ever we needed him; even giving us his mobile phone number at times when we didn’t think Dad would make it.

The specialist, district nurses and Dad’s carers were all like a second family. They called in to help us celebrate Mum's 80th birthday and then Mum and Dad's 60th Wedding Anniversary

Respite

The specialist arranged two episodes of respite at two different locations. Both times we could see a deterioration in Dad when he returned home. After being at home for a few days he would sort of be back to his old self. Mum was still able to have the odd weekend away with family.

There was always someone to care for Dad, if it wasn’t me it would be the grandchildren and their children, or even good friends if we went out for a family meal.

After a while it started to be more noticeable that Dad was having trouble recognising and remembering family members’ names, he would call Barbara (daughter) Maxine (granddaughter) and vice versa. He would become agitated for not remembering names.

Dad’s way of dealing with forgetting people’s names was to say "What does that silly cow want?",  be it family, carers or even the district nurses.

When the specialist called, Dad would say:

"What does he want? He’s not my Doctor. He should go and speak to my Dr if he wants to know anything".

Caring for Albert at Home.

Caring for Dad at home was special. He would have the same faces, voices and surroundings that he knew and felt he was part of. We would still have our arguments.

He could be really nasty to Mum at times, but every night as he was wheeled into his lift to go to bed, he would always say:

" GOOD NIGHT,  GOD BLESS AND THANKS FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE".

...but would never say " SORRY".

For Mum's birthday, Christmas and their Anniversary,  Dad would always sign the card him-self.... a little squiggle,  but you could always read the S.W.A.L.K. (Sealed With A Loving Kiss)

Some days it would be really hard for all of us, but then Dad would have a good day, and he would ask,:

“ Why am I like this? Why can’t I remember things?”

On bad days we would sit and talk about when he was a milkman, or talk about the good old days.

Toiletting

Eventually Dad became unaware when he needed the toilet, so pads were used. These were checked / changed every time the carers came in. Also convenes were used ; these where changed every 24hrs. If the pad or convene needed changing at any other time I would do it my-self. 

Diet

Dad’s diet remained really good. His food eventually had to be minced up and he had to be fed by a family member. You could give him his meal be it breakfast, lunch or dinner then 5 minutes later you would get " COME ON  - WHERE IS IT THEN ? " referring to his meal.

Medication

Dad’s medication was all liquid form, but now and again Dad would have to have tablets especially antibiotics. Giving Dad these could be very awkward, as Dad’s swallowing reflexes were not good.  One tablet could mean 3 pints of water, as he always chewed and didn’t swallow. But another day there would be no trouble, even after a chew.

Dad’s out look to Carers and District Nurses

After the carers or district nurses had been in and spent time caring for Dad, be it getting him up and washed out of bed, or caring for his ulcerated leg, Dad would say:

" I don’t know what they come for, the lazy cows have done sod all".

He would say this in front of them; they would look at Mum and have a good laugh as they were going out of the front door.

Outlook of the Famiily

We all feel as family that if Dad had been put into a home, he would not have lasted as long as he did.

Through my own experience of working on an elderly ward within the NHS I found when a client came in with dementia the family visited on a regular basis, then after a while the visiting stopped,  because the client had deteriorated and did not recognise anyone.
 
I found this when Dad was in respite.  I would still visit on a daily basis but you could see that he was finding it hard to remember me. But once home in his own surroundings it sort of came back.

I’m glad that we had a chance to care for my Dad at home, and hopefully Hope for Home will be able to help more people look after people with dementia at home.