Friend with dementia
I am really worried about one of my friends who lives alone. She has always been late for appointments but now seems to have even less sense of time. She is also finding it increasingly difficult to find her way round neighbourhoods she has known for years. What can I do to help her?
Finding out that a friend has dementia is bound to be distressing but understanding the reason for her behaviour can be reassuring in that you can attempt to help her as the condition progresses.
It is possible that your friend is not suffering from dementia but she does need to see her GP so that other conditions can be ruled out. The kind of symptoms you describe can also be caused by infections, depression, stress and other illnesses.
Try to persuade her or help her to make an appointment with her GP, go to the appointment with her and make sure you make a note of what is said as it is often difficult to remember later. If your friend thinks there is nothing wrong with her and is cross that you are ‘making a fuss’ it might be advisable to phone the GP before the appointment as people with early dementia often manage to present themselves very well in medical consultations and GPs get a false impression of the situation.
Discussions with GPs and Consultants
It is vital to have a good relationship with GPs and consultants and to feel comfortable about asking for advice. The GP may give your friend a physical examination and do blood and urine tests to help exclude other possible conditions. When the results of these tests are received the GP may reach a diagnosis or may refer your friend to a specialist for further investigation. This could be to a neurologist, elderly care specialist, psychologist, or psychiatrist specialising in dementia. Your friend is entitled to have a second opinion so do ask for a referral if the GP does not suggest it.
There are technological and psycho/sociological investigations that can be carried out to help diagnose dementia. Some people are referred for a brain scan which may be a CT scan or MRI scan. Others are referred for memory tests, commonly the mini-mental state examination (MMSE) which involves questions and tests investigating the person’s memory, language and mathematical skills. Some people may be referred to a memory clinic that specialises in diagnosing dementias.
If a diagnosis of dementia is made your friend may have drugs prescribed that can slow down the advance of the disease. She should also be told about local services and support.
Discussion with Other Friends and Family
It may be helpful to have a broad and wide ranging discussion with your friend and her other friends and family members that you know have her welfare at heart. When thinking about the future consider the possibility and practicalities of your friend being cared for in her own home or whether she would prefer to be cared for in a residential home. It is important to recognise that any decisions made at this stage must be seen as flexible and able to be reviewed.
Further Help from Hope for Home
There is more information about possible ways to cope with this situation in the HfH FAQ ‘Dementia and living alone’
